A few days ago, one of my best friends from college had his last exam in our college. But, before the exam has begun, while talking to one of my favorite professors, he asked me what happened, why I stopped?
Since the day one of our second college years, I stood up. I was the best, the one who was pushing the others forward, who was the motor behind every great idea, behind every great story. And there were many.
It was not just then. As they’ve developed, I grew, too. I’ve learned, I’ve watched, I’ve listened, and I’ve become the real leader. The one who could help anyone with anything, and the glue which held our group together, united as one from the beginning until the very end.
To be more precise, I was the “glue” until they’ve finished with their studies and went on with their lives.
And I’ve stayed behind.
But, that is not the worst part. The worst part is the fact that I don’t know how to make a step forward. Something is blocking me and it goes so far that all of my creative ideas are dismissed by myself almost instantly as I think about them.
So, what happened?
My interest in education started fading away when I got my first job. It wasn’t hard and it was related to my education, so I thought that it would be useful to get some practice and experience before I finish college. It turned to be the exact opposite.
As an experience, yes, it was precious, but as a place where I could learn something… No. And instead of getting me excited about finishing my studies and becoming an educated expert in my field, I’ve learned about the “other side”.
And that “other side” forced me to think about everything I’ve learned at the Uni.
Is it worth the effort, if you know that you’ll have someone a lot less qualified and with a lot less knowledge about it as your boss? And not just that, even if you have something good to do and have something unique, interesting and you know it could be good, you’ll be declined as they don’t understand it.
So I chose an easy way out and gave up on education.
Maybe I made a mistake, but the disappointment is just so damn hard that I can’t get up in the morning without thinking was I wrong when I decided to follow my dreams and start building this career.
Afterward, I went home and started thinking about all of that. Am I being too ambitious? Or am I too naive to believe that the world is fair or just too romantic with faith that the quality and knowledge are the most important?
I don’t know. But I know that it sure feels like I’ve failed not just myself, but also the ones who believed in me…