As a kid, I’ve always dreamed big. I’ve had big plans, big stories that went over and over in my head. Everyone around me regarded me as a bright kid, someone who will achieve great things and as someone who has the strength to change the world.

Then, after the elementary school came the first big choice – high school. Talking to the school psychologist before our exam, she asked me about my plans. I’ve told her I’d like to go to the Mechanics school, and she was surprised, asking me to think it through.

So I did, and I’ve made up my mind – as my first wish on the list came Mechanics school.

She told me it would be too easy for me, I’ll get bored and I’ll never live up to my full potential if I decide to go with it.

But I didn’t listen and went there. And for more than two years, it was all right… Then, in the 3rd year, something broke. I don’t know what, but I was uninterested in education, out of any social activity… After a big fight with a professor, I had to switch schools. But nothing has changed – it was still the same – just the surrounding was different. I wasn’t myself, and it all kept going “south”.

Then came the last day, another fight with the teacher and I was late for the University.

I’ve tried my best – looked for a job, found a job, but it all was still… blank.

And those who believed in me have just… disappeared. They were nowhere to be found.

Most of the time I was alone, wandering through the streets, day by day, trying to figure out my life, what to do and how to do it.

As time was passing by, I was just a shadow of myself from the younger days, with some shiny moments, but most of the time without any purpose, meaning… It was agonizing.

Then, one day I went outside, to take a walk. And I’ve seen a kid with his grandfather. And I’ve heard his words – “You’re so clever, you’re going to achieve great things!”.

And I just stood there, looking at them with the sad smile on my face, asking myself – how did I become this?

When did my dreams stop to matter? When did I stop to care?

As I was walking home, I was rewinding my past 25 years, figuring out that I’ve missed most of my chances to learn from my mistakes, and just hoping I would get at least one more shot to prove to others, but mostly to myself, how worth am I.

 

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